DISCLOSURE: This article compares in readability to the New York Times. While this disclosure sounds lofty and a bit braggadocio, what it means is a 16-year-old 10th grader should be able to read the article. Please proceed accordingly.
Have you ever been irritated when you see someone illegally parking in a yellow marked no parking zone?
To completely stamp out illegal parking in yellow no parking zones, the nearby city of Puyallup has come up with a novel idea.
They plan to place comfortable executive banker style business chairs in the no parking zones throughout the city. That way a scofflaw, who even thinks about illegally parking, will quickly conclude there is a parking enforcement officer parked in a chair spinning 360s. He or she is just waiting for a ticket-writing opportunity. A feeling of dread will come over the tempted violator when the parking enforcement officer is spotted hovering like a vulture to ticket and impound the scofflaw. (Note: I say he or she because gender discrimination is not allowed on Puyallup parking enforcement squads, nor, for that matter, is there any gender discrimination intended to be included in the writing of this article.)
Placing the seated parking enforcement officers around the city in comfortable enforcement chairs is a genius plan by the Puyallup Police Department to augment their de-escalation program. The parking violator knows immediately that getting away with illegal parking is a dim prospect, at best. The driver will be self-motivated to drive down the road to find a legal parking spot. This new program eliminates SWAT call outs for parking violators.
The below photo depicts Puyallup’s first test zone. It was amazing. No one parked in the yellow zone the entire time we were parked in a nearby legal zone.
Parking enforcement swivel chair stamping out illegal parking.
The Puyallup High School is visible down the street where students learn daily lessons from the life of books. Any student illegally parking in the yellow no parking zone will have an opportunity to learn from the book of life.
This brainchild is projected to cause illegal parking to plummet in the Puyallup Valley.
A lot has changed since Ezra Meeker parked his transportation unit in Puyallup. In his day, he could park anywhere he wanted. There were no yellow zones.
Ezra Meeker with his covered wagon. Notice the absence of yellow no parking zones.
I share this Puyallup story with you because if it works for Puyallup, the citizens of Lakewood can work together to submit to our city one of those poorly thought out citizen initiatives in an effort to demand an enhanced parking enforcement program.
Note: It is a waste of time to do any fact checking on this article especially when you consider I did not check any facts and in fact admit to having made up few facts, just like the big time newspaper reporters. Because my embellished story is not intended to cause anyone any harm, but rather is meant to entertain, I am thinking I should not face any prison time.